Sunday, January 11, 2015

A (Late) New Years Greeting

Hello!  Are you still standing after the holidays?  A couple pounds more, perhaps?  Less?  Happy to get back to routine, I bet.  I know I am.  I won't go into my holidays; they were absolutely dreadful (missing friends and my town).  I haven't adjusted yet when it comes to the holidays; they just aren't the same here as they leave me feeling a lot is lacking.  However you found them, I hope you got to spend it with the people you love doing things you enjoy :)  A Happy late New Years to you :)

The temperatures have been nice lately, between 5-9 C this past week.  Windy though, with some rain.  I'm contemplating what I should have for lunch today.  We went to IKEA last week (oh, the dreaded crowds) and got large jars that will hold some of my flours and I feel much more secure they won't be bothered.  I found a mouse had eaten through one of my good flours (I get from a local mill) and I'd had enough.  We even went so far this week as to buy a (humane) mouse trap when W. saw it scurrying across the kitchen floor the other day.  Speaking of which, I also need to reorganize my pantry.  I remember I wanted to do that today also.  Re-pot a couple of over-grown plants, read new (borrowed) books, prep dessert for dinner tonight (Dorie Greenspan's Chocolate Mousse!), with whipped cream, naturally ;)

The past year has been ups and downs; adjusting (still) and trying to gain employment.  A possible decisive shift in careers.  I call it 'the year without faith' when in essence it was with faith albeit at times broken, deteriorating, challenging thought processes, and little to no church time.  While it's easy to see any possible 'negatives' or fears of distance or departure, in reflection I've found church has been a catalyst (not a crutch or filler) for my faith; it helped keep what I've learned active and it relayed the importance and warmth I felt in the sense of community and being surrounded by others of your faith.  The reciting of prayers together, the shaking of hands during the sign of peace.  Those meant a lot to me in the beginning and I find still mean a lot to me now.  The questions and challenges I had about Catholicism in the beginning continue to be questions and challenges now, amplified.  So there's a common theme - the things I held dear have now isolated themselves as those things I continue to hold dear, and the things I questioned ever since Day One continue to isolate themselves to be questioned.  Does this make sense?  Do I believe in God any less?  Absolutely not.  Trust me, I tried.  I felt it would be a disservice to everything I've experienced the last several years and it almost made me feel.. gosh.. I can't even put it in words...sucked in a black hole, empty and (contrary to stereotypical views of Catholicism) - guilt.    I do however continue to attempt to challenge His place in my life and how He fits in it.  That's sort of an inaccurate statement and sort of not.  It's very hard to verbalize what I'm thinking.  Does He fit with a Catholicism view of faith, or not?  Can He fit without it?  Once I've made a few more decisions about how I feel about it, I might take them to my priest and discuss it with him; he's very easy to talk to.  Then I'll sit with it some more.  I can imagine some of the COOLers are a bit worried and are haste to suggest to me to "be careful" or some other sage advice.  Please respect I need to do this.  I am not certain anymore anything is constant and permanent, including our views of faith, and I need to always challenge the world around me.  The world - and our views - are constantly evolving.  It's not a bad thing.

You're quote for the week : Lean into the discomfort. ~author unknown (or that I forget)

Hope you're having a good Sunday and it finds you relaxed.. and with a good meal!

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