There have been a million things going on and a million more on my mind, so I haven't the time to write as much as I'd like to. I'm going to write about more pressing thoughts today, though. I'm waiting for the rain to pass before I go out (though it seems never-ending lately), so it affords me the time.
I was just looking online for work and I came to a roadblock. Well, what I call a roadblock (so it probably means it's not, really. Read: self-imposed). I was going to forward my resume to this company for a series of jobs they have in hospitality or kitchen help, etc. They asked usual information.. name, address, phone, CV, motivation (what we'd call a cover letter), etc. Then they also want a photo and your date of birth. Right, cause we all remember how well giving my age went last time. And photo? Really? Well, you can see their prorities. Not that I'm saying I feel I necessarily have anything to worry about, but I'm having a rough go as it is, so I don't need reason #563 of why someone won't hire me.
I've been applying for multiple jobs, anything English that I might be remotely qualified for. So far.. nadda. My dilemma is this: I don't want to apply for jobs that I'm over-qualified for, just in effort to get a job. I don't see why I should have to devalue myself, just to get money. And honestly, I've been doing that the last 20-some years I've been working, so I'm kind of tired of it. But you know the caveat with that... higher standards means less of a chance for a job. Which means we go longer without money. So.. what's a girl to do? Do I give them my photo and chance it? Do I take that cleaning job that I *really* don't want? Do I start at the bottom of an organization again?
I'm 38. Starting at the bottom, to me, is not an option... but #firstworldproblems (this is a jab at me) .. many immigrants all over the world take jobs they "don't want" and are very "over-qualified for", just to get an income (I once worked with a man in Toronto who was an engineer in India. A bloody brilliant one, too, but because of country-to-country qualifications, he'd have to take certain tests or something in Canada and they costed a LOT of money, so he wasn't able, so retail it was). So what am I whining about? Suck it up, princess.
Thing is, I'm not ready to yet. I'm not ready to accept less than I think I'm worth. That's quite a perception though, isn't it, and a hella risky one. Yet I continue to have faith something will come up when it's meant to but... how long will that last me? I have and feel an obligation to provide in this household, so when I'm not it feels like stress (almost more than everything I've just written).
To top it off, there have been external events the past few days that have caused even more stress and things are a little tense around here. Well, they're improving, but slowly and hesitantly. We're both very, very overwhemed, so I apologize if this feels like a 'heavy' or 'down' sort of post. Just trying to burrow through and make sense of anything else in the meantime. I'm making an active effort not to sink into a depression.
I'd like your feedback; how do you think I should approach jobs? I do not wish for you to comment on my mental state; it is something I won't apologize for and is a by-product of other situations, but any other thoughts are more than welcomed. Do I place value not in myself, but in the job itself.. it is what you make it after all. Or do I uphold my sense of self and sense of value and apply only for these kinds of jobs?
The stupid thing is, I would have had a job months ago if I had computer or engineering qualifications. They need those people like crazy. Quick.. engineering through osmosis. Aaaaand... go!
Be well. We're half way through the week!
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