Monday, February 25, 2013

Counting Down

It's official; 47 days until W. visits :)

I have a feeling I'll be using this tag more than once.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Moving Forward

Goedenavond.  Hoe gaat het en met u? (Good evening.  How are you?)

Well, it's been a fail of a Lent so far (I wonder what 'fail' is in Dutch.. ).  I swore several times a day for the first few days, though I'm pleased so announce it's getting better.  And I ate meat last night.  D'oh.  But I've been successful in drawing every day, even if it's just adding to a current drawing (vs. starting a new one).

So... I decided to rent that room.  I made the decision a deliberate one, likewise for the email per giving my notice here.  That wasn't hard.. but it was...gosh.. I don't know what word to give it.  A turning point.  Once I sent the email, I broke into tears.  I sat back and thought of this place and all the purposes it served me; this apartment has let me grow into the person I am today.. and I'm pretty proud of who I've become and it's taken a lot of hard work to become that person.  This place has seen people come, it's seen people go.  Good things have happened here and very, very bad things have happened here (and once I realized that, I was happy to leave it behind).  I won't miss the 2 flights of stairs, the uneven floors, the noisy neighbours.  I will miss my neighbours across the hall and the ability to just be able to walk over when I'm out of a certain ingredient or need to borrow something or just knowing someone's there who's familiar.  In the new house I will look forward to a backyard (!) that backs onto the river (!) where there's DUCKS!! :D (Ducks make me happy.) and there won't be 2 flights of stairs to climb and it's in a nice neighbourhood (and for those who visit via auto - a 2-way street and parking!).

Whoops, I got sidetracked.
Right so, good/bad, coming/going.  Giving notice for my current apartment was the "there's no turning back" moment.  It was the, "this is getting more real by the day" moment.  It was the, "Oh my gosh this is really happening" moment.  It's, "I'm trusting W. with everything I have" moment.  It was scary and exciting at the same time.  And suddenly this whole thing became more real.  I don't just want to slowly 'jaunt' because-we're-going-slow into W.'s arms now, I want to *run*.  It's time.

Oh, and moving into this place also means giving up Babu sooner... which I can't think a lot about right now. And selling everything sooner than I expected (the room is furnished).  So yeah.

As of this coming Monday, 2 of the 3 pieces of paperwork I need will be returned to me.  I'm just waiting for one from The Hague, NL and off to the consulate I go... then it's the big wait.  That'll require a whole new set of prayers.

Well, this day can't get any slower.  I'm waiting for said friends/neighbours across the hall and we're heading to the Wooly.  Decided I'm going to have a late dinner there (spinach, beet, chevre and chicken salad, thankyouverymuch) seeing as there's not much food in the house.  That, or I'm being picky (entirely possible).

Hope y'all are having a good weekend!

Thursday, February 14, 2013


"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
~ Aristotle


"We loved with a love that was more than love."
~ Edgar Allan Poe

Lent - 2013

It's pretty late for me but I just got home from choir (had it on a not-usual night) but I'm not quite ready to go to bed yet.  So.. I'm going to sit here and gab to you :)

I started thinking about what to give up for Lent this year, 2 weeks before today.  I couldn't think of nuthin'.  Every year I give up swearing.  Every year I fail (though I still make an honest attempt).  Okay, 'honest' is subjective; I already broke it 5 times today :/  ..but that's how it goes every year, so don't judge! :)  I will try again tomorrow.  And the next day.  And...

When W. and I were talking about it, I asked him if anything came to him for ideas.  "Draw every day," he said.  I sat and pondered it.  If you're not artistic, you're going to think it's a pretty random suggestion.  You might think, "What the heck does drawing have to do with anything??"  S'ok, I'm not going to judge if you thought that; I almost did there for a second, too.  It's not that easy, my friends.  To draw.. *every* day.. is a challenge in itself, but since he's also artistic (very much so; I wish I could show you his work) he knew why he was asking me to take it up.  I'm not sure I can describe it best, and I'm sure others will have more elaborate and articulate descriptions, but you can get a lot done in your head when you sit to draw, at least for me.  You can zone out, you can think about nothing, you can think about everything (kind of the same effect when I bake).  Sometimes you even battle demons.  Sometimes you want to *avoid* any type of artistry because of said demons.  And sometimes you want to welcome it in for the very same reason.  It's usually always emotional.  You can lose yourself, you can find yourself.  There are a hundred reasons why one would want to apply some sort of artistry.  My job is to figure out how to apply it to Lent... perhaps how I'll deal with my frustrations (I'm a perfectionist, in case some lonely sole on this planet couldn't tell already) and where I'll turn that energy and how I'll deal with it.  I think he knows I need to do this; I've been pretty stressed lately and he's seen the full effects.  So what the hey, I'll give it a shot. I have yet to do any today and it's already almost 10:30.  Ugh.

I also might be moving before I move.  I've decided it's best to downsize; it's the only way it'll help me save money for the move.  I can't cut anymore expenses and in fact I've gained some, so I don't have much of a choice.  I was hoping to dip into my pension from the hospital when I leave, but it looks that that's untouchable (by law).  So.. some major saving needs to happen.  I've looked at a place already and it's perfect for what I need.  Also, the other girl that lives there (a student from the university) and I got along pretty good.  There was a lot of 'signs' and things being 'just so'.  Being from the same hometown and likewise half Dutch didn't hurt things, either ;)  I haven't committed yet, but I'm getting pretty close.  So that's my big news for now.  I was going to keep it a surprise, but what the hell (6) heck.  I feel pretty good about it.

I can't think of anything else to tell you right now and it's past my bedtime anyways.  Meeting my tutor in the morning so I best get rested for a good start to the day.

Hope everyone is well.  Please get in touch if we haven't spoken in a while.  It's time we have a talk :)

Copyright Text