Friday, July 30, 2010

The End Is Not Only In Sight, It's Here

It's almost midnight, my eyes are half open, I'm feeling a little nauseous from not eating for a while, my brain is *completely* fried, I barely have the energy to sit here typing, but y'know what.............

I'M FINISHED MY STUDIES!  MY ENTIRE PROGRAM IS COMPLETED!! *hear the crowd go wild*  *raises both hands into a victory stance*

*faints from having no more energy*

Thanks for the confidence, all, when the push was on.  It was appreciated :)

'Night :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

More Hours In The Day?

I wonder some days if you folks don't wonder if I'm still alive.  Sorry for the minimal posting.

Today's a day off (one day off within a 2-week period. And you wonder why I thought about switching departments.. pftt) and it's filled.  I hate the one-day off's... they fill up so quickly.  So many things on the list, not enough hours in the day.  Which reminds me, as I finish my first cup of coffee, I need to get laundry started.

....pauses to get dressed, assemble laundry and take downstairs....

There's been a lot of buzz around work with the new change-over last weekend in the kitchen. Thankfully my job isn't affected until September.  There's a lot of disgruntlement, though.  There was also an incident last week with 2 supervisors and there was mis-communication (an email) that was accidentally read by one of my friends/co-workers which put her to tears (they spoke about her in a very non-supervisory sort of way).  So that still has ripple effects.  It's not a happy time in the Food Services these days.

It's also been quiet patient-wise.  Sorry I have no stories for you of late.  I've had a rotation of new patients and I'm getting to know them all over again.  No exciting stories yet.  I've been noticing, more than lately though, that some of them just want someone to talk to.  It's kind of sad, but very understandable.  I wish I could afford more time during my shift but it's so tightly-knit I just can't.  I do well to take 5 minutes out of my routine to talk sometimes and I don't mind that, but I don't always have the ability.

My health has been alright; about the same.  Last night was my last night with the CPAP machine trial.  I didn't enjoy it at all.  If you ever have to sleep with one of these things... good luck.  I think it helped a little, but I didn't sleep with it much; it always came off halfway through the night (by my doing rather I was conscious of it or not).  I have a couple other discoveries and avenues I want to try, so I'm going to give those consideration before I see the doc at the end of August again for a check-in.  I have my stress test tomorrow. Good times.

I've taken up swimming!!  I'm so excited.  I used to be a 'fish' (my mother called me) when I was younger.  LOVED swimming.  I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner - it's good for the heart, the lungs, building up endurance.  I went with a friend last week and we were there a full hour - half of which was doing laps.  It was fantastic.  Once we go a couple times for laps, casual swim, we're going to try an aquafit class.

I HAVE to finish studying this week, finals are due at the end of the week and I haven't wanted to touch 'em with a ten-foot pole.  Then I'm DONE!  Finito!

Can I tell you (randomly) how much I love Mozart's Symphony No. 25?  There's so much going on in that piece.

Ugh... so much cleaning to do today.  I'd better get to it.

I hope everyone's week has started off well! :)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Pictures, As Promised

Sorry it took so long.  Loading these pictures takes a while, which is why it's not done right away.  I finally had a quiet night.  Hope you enjoy!

My mom's cat, Storm.  He is quite a character, this one.


Notice the size of the two koi amidst the goldfish.  For comparison, those goldfish are maybe 3 inches.  The koi are almost the size of bloody trout.  Click to embiggen.

Mom's pond.  Always the gardener.

At Mackinac.  This is looking across the river at the Port Huron, MI shore.

The boats with the flags were cool.  I have no idea what they symbolize/what their purpose is.

The boats heading out to sea towards their goal.

Some teams dress alike.  It's fun to see.

Freighter, anyone?  The back of it is painted in big, white letters, "Montreal".

One sees all sorts of odities during Mackinac.  Yes, you are seeing someone in costume at the wheel :)

People lined up along the waterfront.  That's just one side.  If I go in the opposite direction, they're lined up there, too.  It's quite the event.

I would like this little yacht, please... 

....and this one... 

....and this one... (the main one in the middle, white/wood combo)

Even a catamaran made it out.  Some boats are just out for the fun.

The Bluewater Bridges.

Looking up!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Save Me

Even when it's vacation it's busy.  Can't I just get a break?  Even as I'm trying to write this, a hundred things are popping up.

The weekend away was good.  There was time spent with immediate family, neighbours, a couple of old friends (one that I haven't seen in years). Lots of shopping was had :)  I came back with more than what I left with.  So much that I've started to question my materialism (I usually don't 'need' a lot of things, though it seems I've acquired them.  In fairness, some were clothes and shoes that were necessary.  Okay, maybe not the mary janes.. lol).

Saturday was the Mackinac races (sailboats race starting at the Sarnia, ON/Port Huron, MI border/bridge on the St. Clair River and sail up to Mackinac Island, MI and back).  Good times had by all (except for the Rotary breakfast - coffee or juice, 2 sausage, 3 pancakes with fake syrup.. sugar, sugar, sugar.. which means I can't have).  We planted a lawn chair by the water and watched all the sailboats go by. I now want a sailboat :)  I'll be posting pictures soon.  A lot of the city comes out for it - it gets pretty packed.  I really enjoy it, though.  I can't tell you why.

I've noticed a lot of things last weekend; how people have changed, how I've changed.  I'm probably one of most of my friends without a boyfriend and/or husband.  I don't have children.  This old friend I saw (we were inseparable in high school), is really happy.  She's got the husband, the new house, the baby.  It took a bit for me to convert kid (when we were 16) to adult/mother/wife.  Like you're life flashing before you, I saw where time has escaped me the past 15-20 years like a movie on a screen.  What's happened; what matters, what doesn't.  We've grown up (I'm not at all trying to make this sound like a rhetorical statement).

I've also, to my detriment, noticed I have many mannerisms as my mother.  Ugh.  I say detriment for a few reasons.  No discourse to her, really, but there are thoughts here that will remain private.  Long story short and vague, I see those comparisons and I fear my life will end up like hers, which is the complete opposite of what I want. This very well may be an irrational fear but it's a fear nonetheless.

I've been doing some self-reflection, since.  I've seen the path I've been travelling in the recent past (past couple years) and I like how the path is going and I like where I 'see' it going, but I can't say that I'll actually get 'there'.  I know what I think I need to do to, but there's no guarantee it's the right steps, right?  How do I even know the steps I'm taking are correct.  I finally feel peace about knowing what I want; who with, who without.  I'm ready for change.

I also confronted a lot of old ugly ghosts in the closet last weekend.  Ghosts I've been dealing with the past year and was ready to confront again.  I was proud of myself for being strong enough to try.

Well, I think that's it for now. I'm going to take the rest of the night to clean up a couple of things in the kitchen (OCD is acting up) and read a bit before bed.  Tomorrow's Wednesday! Your week is almost over and mine is just beginning (day 1 of 6).

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Almost Over

What I was hoping for a quiet last day of vacation is starting to fill up.  I'm trying not to get anxious and just go with it (I'd have preferred a quiet day at home).

I hope everyone had a good weekend!  Mine was good and I'll be blogging about it soon, so help me if I find the time.  But.. going to market today!  I have to muster the energy to get ready after a slightly crappy sleep and get moving.  Will write soon!

Thursday, July 15, 2010


Sorry I haven't been posting, folks.  I've been quite stressed lately and just haven't been able to sort things out in my head.  Lots going on.

Last night was the first night with the CPAP machine and it wasn't great.  Don't really want to talk about it.  One week to go before I finish my studies.  For good.  Completing finals now.  Applied for a job at work I don't really want but need (haven't heard yet).  So after this weekend and the better parts of next week pass, I hope things will have calmed down a little.

I'm going away tomorrow for the weekend to visit my parents back home, so you won't hear from me for a few days.  I'm back to our abnormally scheduled programming on Monday, so I'll write and let you know how the weekend went.  I might even have pictures!

Have a great weekend, all!

Monday, July 12, 2010


He did not say: "You will not be troubled - you will not be tempted - you will not be distressed."  But He said: "You will not be overcome".
~ Julian of Norwich, 15th Century Mystic

Friday, July 9, 2010

Optimism Cured

Borrowed.  I thought this was fitting with today's rant.  And well, I love whiskey.


Please excuse the following rant.  I'm not censoring language.  Read at your own peril (or at least, for entertainment).




I've lost all complete hope.


Okay, I think I'm done now.


I don't have much to write about these days.

I've shut the air off, opened the windows and listened to what was left of the rain.  The Weather Network says there's a north breeze, but I beg to differ (that's how my windows face and I would feel it coming in).

I've completed my assignments for my courses and just have finals to complete and hand it.  It's worse because I don't even feel like touching them with a ten-foot pole.  No desire.  At all.  So the next two weeks will be interesting (that's when they have to be in).  I still haven't received my midterms back yet.  I'm contemplating taking more courses in the fall, but I'm just not sure yet.

Work has been fine.  Two times in the past week when I've put on a clean uniform it gets dirty the same day. Clean uniforms just aren't meant to be.  One day I spilled cream soup all over the front of my uniform, the other was tea, I think.  I'm contemplating going for a full-time position, but it's out of my specialty/career path.  Do I take it and not be as satisfied but have the money, or stay where I am with less money but more job satisfaction?  Ugh.

"The plan" I had for the fall?  Circumstances have occurred and... yeah, I don't feel it happening.  Which has me slightly panicked.  I have one other option I'd like to consider and look into, so we'll see what happens with that.  Much praying will be done on this.

I have lost the hope of finding my equal.

Oh!  I baked cookies earlier in the week and dropped them off at physio.  It was nice to see everyone again.

Oh yeah, the date I went on with S.?  Not happening.  I dropped him so fast I started running before I said "see you later never".  Total effing lunatic.  I swear I could turn this blog into any current and future dating disasters (there's a few I'm not  I've just been messaged by a guy now who, although can't seem to put a full f'g sentence together despite his profession (sort of a prerequisite for me..y'know.. shows me you have brains), he's cute, so I'm gonna chat him up.

Such is life.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I Like To Be Cryptic

There are times when you get really down.  You get so caught up in something and reality hits... and you drop.  And it hurts.  And you feel lost.  But then you have those friends that come along, reach their hand down and offer to pull you up.  They dust you off, give you a consoling rub on the back reassuring you there's reason in this.  There's a continuation; it just seems jaded 'cause it's not what you had in mind.  Follow the reason.  It was always there to begin with, you just ignored it.

You know who you are.  Thanks for pulling me up tonight.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Since I Can't Clean....

The water's been shut off for whatever unknown reason, so I have to take a break from some cleaning.  Thought I'd throw a few pictures your way since it's been a while.  You can always click them to make them bigger.

I wish I was joking, but the proof is in the picture; he did this himself.  I told you he likes to sleep under the covers!

Awww.  And he didn't even mind me taking his picture.  Yes, he has a (pseudo) diamond-studded 'B' on his pseudo black leather collar.  He's cool enough for a little bit of bling.

Zzzzz.  As you see, he doesn't do much else (sorry the picture is grainy, not sure what setting I had it at).

I ran across this fellow on my way home from work one night this week.  

He was collared, but his fur wasn't very well taken care of, lots of mats :(

Random Babu shot on the counter.

.... because every now and then you just need to sit in the tub.

As I was walking along..... 

...and found some ducks!

There's mom., two, three, four... Oops, you're out of sync!

Looking down stream.

This is momma.  She was real close, with the babies.. about a meter away!  She kept an eye on me the entire time, but didn't seem to feel threatened.

Symphony in the Park

Well, that's quite a lot, but it catches me up to the pics I've taken the last little while.  Hope you enjoyed :)

Everything And Nothing

I have a lot to talk about today, so get comfortable.  I might even add some pictures!

Health: Lets get this one over with.  I went for my Methacholine Test and... ta da!.. I don't have asthma.  In fact, she was surprised I didn't have any problems breathing given my condition (to which she guessed my sleep apnea must be 'light').  This is a good thing.  I was thankful not to receive yet another diagnosis.  Onward to the stress test at the end of the month.  My local drugstore just called to set up an appointment for a CPAP machine (the trial) and I go for that next week.  Good times.  A higher-protein diet is still aiding in my digestive issues so this is also a good thing.

Work: Nothing much to talk about here.  Though I heard some not so good things yesterday.  I was dropping off an H.S nour. last night and I heard a visitor say to their friend/relative (patient), "Alright, don't eat it. Starve.  Don't get better.  See if I care".  Gah.  My blood curled.  I understand the motive (it was used on me by my parents when I was younger.  It didn't help then and I imagine it doesn't help anyone now) although grossly mis-taken.  Please don't ever say this to anyone, out of spite... or out of anything.  Someone in the hospital needs compassionate care, not idle threats.  I also ran into one of my patients out of the hospital and I asked her how she was feeling and she still has bad days, given her illness and told me about how she had to go to the ER last week.  "I didn't want to go," she said, "but my doctor made me".   I said, "Good, better to be safe than sorry" to which I got a reply, "I didn't want to go! Not after spending a week in there".  A week. A WEEK!?!  You're bitching about A WEEK when people are in there for MONTHS!?!  *sigh*  *facepalm*  I better shut up while I'm ahead.  /end rant.

Onto more cryptic things; the universe has been teaching me a lot lately, I think, about my connection with people.  Certain people.  And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Well, I need to get moving.  Feeling fidgety lately.  It's hotter than hell and I've got the air on, so I'm going to putter around and do some work.  I'll be posting pictures later :)

Friday, July 2, 2010

Another One

Again, borrowed from Z&M. Couldn't help myself, but it was that awesome :)

Patient Stories

I thought I would share a couple patient stories with you that have happened over the past week that have been poignant for me in some way.

When I returned to work after having a long weekend Tuesday, Mr. W. was gone :(  I was sad.  At the same time, I'm glad because it was hard on Mrs. W. to come to the hospital all the time.  She can probably rest a little easier knowing her husband is being better taken care of adequately in a rehab facility.

I was collecting dinner from an older gentleman last night who I could see wasn't quite lucid (he was having conversations with himself; I'm not sure what tipped me off).  I went to take away his tea cup and he damn near bit my hand off.  Boy I had to move fast.  I said in a calming voice, "Okay, you can keep your cup" and took the rest of his tray.  When I dropped off his H.S nourishment, I said, "Can I take your cup now?" ever so cautiously.  From a distance.  I could :)

I came across a new patient this week (or was it last?).  I first came across him in The Unit (what we call ICU) when I worked on a different floor, but he's since come down to mine.  Super nice; a nice old Italian fellow (in case I haven't mentioned, my community is almost half Italian which is why I'm starting to take up Italian).  Anyways... he's on my floor and his daughter was visiting him and they're super nice people.  We got to chatting.  Funny thing seems to be about this old Italian man.. he wouldn't stop talking! lol.  But near the end I got sage advice. "First!" he says holding up his index finger, "Respect".  "Second, take care of yourself" (if I understood his context correctly, he meant health wise because, obviously, he isn't doing well (having 3 attacks). Not in a 'selfish' sort of context).  I smile and relay 'Yes, I agree' and 'thank you' in Italian and carry on with my job.

Said goodbye to one of my other regular patients last night.  We got to talking and she'd been in the hospital for 8 weeks.  She's being transferred to a rehab facility out of the city (you go where the government sends you where there's room, which is unfortunate because her daughter won't be able to visit her as much now).  Incidentally, she's also Italian and we just started speaking Italian a little towards the end (you'd think I'd be proficient at this point, but I'm not, at all).  So we said our goodbyes.

To be honest, I know I get disappointed when patients leave without being able to say goodbye, but I think it's easier.  Saying goodbye is more difficult and more sad.

I'll end on a positive note.  I was dropping off a dinner tray to another one of my older patients who was sitting up in her chair, which was a nice surprise since she's usually in bed.  Even had her house dress on.  I dropped off dinner, opened a couple things for her and left.  I dropped off the tray to the other lady in the room, went to go back to my NC but turned around and came back and asked her if she'd like to me to cut up her meat.  Her daughter wasn't there and I know she wouldn't have eaten it, not having the mobility to do it herself.  She was so happy.  "That's very nice of you," she says.  I smile, continuing to cut up your meat.  "You're a very kind woman, wanting to help someone out," she says.  I smile (and never know what to say) and ask if there's anything else I can do for her (which involved pulling her sweater over her shoulders for her) and off I went.

So just remember... for every 'horror story' there is about mis-treatment in hospitals or nursing or retirement homes, remember there *are* people that care.  I love my job.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

You Wouldn't Believe I'm Alive, But I Am

Blog FAIL.

Sorry guys.  I've been around and a little busy but also in a bit of a different world lately.  My priorities have shifted, but I'm trying to shift them back again.  Or at least, join the two different worlds. It's so easy to get caught up in things sometimes, isn't it?  Especially when they're full of happy-making.

All my jars have set.  Apparently setting them in the fridge expedites the process.  Who knew.  I took a picture (yet to download.. or is it upload?) and have yet to post it, but I fear this year's batch isn't going to be as good.  They've separated (remember how I crushed, then saved for the next day? The end result is what I feared) and when I say separated, I mean berry from juice.  But I gave a jar to J.H yesterday and she said it was quite tasty.  Even with half the sugar.

I'm struggling on my midterms with a couple questions and I realize I have to snap to it if I'm going to finish them on time.

I guess I haven't been writing because I have a lot of internal stuff going on in my head.  Health stuff, you know about that.  But there's also been a lot of internal struggle.. about what I think I deserve (relationships, career, etc) and raising the bar on these.  Also trying to accept more of certain parts of who I am instead of fighting it (that's been the most difficult struggle.  One tries to shut out negative talk that has been implanted for years upon years and you realize it's all just..... perception).  I've been walking a little taller with my head a little higher.  Co-workers have noticed I'm smiling more (and it's weirding them out.. heh).  I've been feeling really good lately.

Having said that, things at work are a little stressed; they're cutting back our hours.  I can't remember if I've written about this, so I apologize if I have.  They're taking out our cafeteria people and bringing in a new company to run the retail side of things.  Those people are being distributed throughout the department.  My shift is being cut 30min/day.  This is NOT happy making.  I have a plan come the fall which I'm going to start implementing soon.  God willing.

Well, I've got to get on with stuff for my day.  It's almost Friday!  .... which means nothing for me because I work the weekend.  But many of you don't, so I hope you have a great end to the week :)  And Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canucks ;)

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