Friday, April 30, 2010

I Can't Stop Taking Pictures

I leave you this weekend with a few pictures.  These were taken earlier in the week.  Sorry I'm late :)

This is on a corner property on the way home. I couldn't resist.

I made this picture bigger on purpose.  It's a great view of the outside of the footbridge.

This is my futile attempt at taking a picture of a duck - and her ducklings - in the water.  The ducklings were *tiny*, just a couple inches big.  So cute!!  Also saw a pair of Canadian Geese with their...ducking?  Gosling?  What's the proper term?  They were a little further away so I couldn't get them with my amazing (read sarcasm) camera phone.. and all it's 1.4 MP glory.

This is a spot I found down at the river from a path I took.  Doesn't show much, but I thought I'd post it all the same.

Other Musings

I used an interesting new contraption today at physio - the neck collar.  You know those neck things you can buy so your head doesn't get stretched in an uncompromising/uncomfortable position when travelling?  Like that.  And felt.  And inflatable.  It decompresses your spine; so instead of having the habit of being hunched over, say, or some of us keep our head down too much - this raises it so it elongates your spine and takes some of the pressure off.  It was an interesting feeling.  I'm still reeling from the effects and keeping my head up and tall; shoulders down and back.  It's nice.

I was right; my gut was gnawing at me about cute guy and I found out more.  He did in fact lie.  He wasn't interested as I'm "not his type" (he doesn't even know me) and didn't know how to say no.  It's one thing that he tried to spare my feelings, I realize, but he sat and talked to me for an hour and a half - and lied the entire time.  So, ties have been cut.  I now have a zero tolerance for dishonesty.

My course work came today!  And it couldn't have come at a better time (distraction from current goings-on).  I'll dive right in and plan to finish it early.  Now I feel I can take the time to learn, instead of feeling rushed like the last two.  I want to do really, really well with these.  It's the last of it.

Funny anecdote; I got an order the other day for ice cream for a patient.  I noticed they were diabetic and had second thoughts (ice cream and diabetics? Tsk tsk) but I looked at the age of the patient and she was 90.  So really, she can have whatever the hell she wants*; I'm not going to stand in her way.  They didn't tell me what flavour she wanted so I took up one of each - vanilla, strawberry and chocolate.  I walk into the patients room, ice cream in hand and smiled.  She saw the ice cream and her eyes widen.  The conversation went like this...
"What flavour did you want?" I asked.
"Maple walnut!"
... I chuckle.  "That might be asking too much.  What other flavour would you like?"
"Done."  *handing her the ice cream*
*lol*  It still makes me laugh.  I love some of our older patients.  I told the nurses; they got a chuckle out of it, too.  Heavens, the other day I was delivering HS** nourishments and one older gentleman was trying to eat his sandwich right through the saran wrap!  I had to run back and undo it for him (he has Alzheimer's. He was going on a couple nights ago about if I would be so kind as to get the police because his car had been stolen. He was going to wait in the office until they came).  Right.  So next time when I delivered his sandwich I said, "Don't eat the plastic this time".  "Okay".

We're having wonderful weather today.  I wish I had a balcony at times like this.  No plans this weekend.  If my stomach shapes up (unlikely, it's been in really bad shape lately) I'd like to go for a walk.  Hope everyone has a great weekend.  I'm sure I'll be writing something at some point...

* Realize I would never give something to a patient that would jeopardize their health.  She hadn't eaten much dinner so I wasn't too worried about her sugar levels.
** H.S Nourishments - stands for 'hour of sleep'. It's a snack diabetics get after dinner and before bed.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I heard my mothers voice today.  I was at the local grocer getting some things for lunch and approached the cash where there was some leftover chocolate from Easter (Cadbury Cream Eggs.. yum) and I almost reached for one when I heard the ever familiar growing up, "You don't need that".

Well, NO, I DON'T need it, but I want it.  That's what filling depression with chocolate is all about.  I'm not sure if at the time it was my mothers way of curbing my weight, decreasing costs or what.. but I was surprised to hear it echo today.  I didn't buy the chocolate.  I did buy other better quality chocolate, though (which was going to be in addition-to anyways) and I'll be enjoying that today.

There are a bunch of things that have me in a low mood today (including going back up to 3 days a week from 2 to physio for the next 2-week push) but I won't talk about them here.

The week's almost over!  Hope it's been good for everyone.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"The Hill"

Todays pictures are of the hill I walk to, to work.  The pictures don't do it justice and they're quite poor to convey, but it'll give you an idea.

This hill is at maybe.. a 45 degree angle.  Quite steep to walk.  What you can't see is there's another hill above that one, as follows...

This one's not as steep; maybe about 35-40 degrees.  A little easier to walk.  But then there is another path of stairs...

Unfortunately I can't make this much bigger or more clear.  There are about 40 stairs here.  After those stairs, I also have to climb up another hill, more steep than the others; I'm guessing about 50 degrees.

Do I have great leg muscles?  Yes :)   The first season I started walking to work, I lost 10lbs right off the bat. Now if I'd just lose more, I'd be all set :)


Is this week over, yet?  Boy oh boy.

Not to say that it's been horrible.  It hasn't.  But I know it's going to get worse before it gets better.

I've been feeling very out of sorts lately.  I can't find my place in the world.  Not comfortable in my own skin.  Things are changing and I'm almost wondering if I'm trying to shed a new layer of skin - only the outer layer is hard to break through.

Remember cute guy from hospital?  Well... he wasn't entirely lying.  He'd come up to me and asked me mid-shift if everything was okay.  I thought he could tell I was mad at him.  I said yes at first (ha! another lie!), then said no and that we need to talk.  So I called him after my shift, we went and sat in the library and I'd asked him flat out if he lied to me, which was going to be succeeded by a few questions about why he's telling me one thing and people another (easier for him, perhaps?).  After he stated he in fact did not lie, I got distracted because it progressed into a whole conversation about relationships.  He talked about his, then I talked about mine.  What a conversation.  We sat and talked for an hour and a half!  We're a lot alike.  Not just in a similar position with our respective others, but similar in personality, how we approach things, etc.  It was nice to hear, actually.  It was kind of weird telling someone new about everything, but he was very receptive.

Two instances - with cute guy and with Fr. V (I met with this past weekend for counsel) I have been shown that people *are* interested and *do* want to hear what others have to say.  They engage in the conversation, they ask questions, they wait for feedback.  It has not lost my hope on humanity.  In a separate thought, and not at all related, I feel a burden to my friends sometimes when I've got so much shit going on and feel like I'm dragging them down to the bottom of the ocean with me.  I wonder how they put up with me sometimes.  Though when I pray to our good Lord... I say if He's going to make me suffer, then He'd best comfort me along the way.  That's where my friends come in.  What would we do without our friends?  Who would we be?  Very, very different.

I have been fortunate to see that asking out a new guy may not have lead me to a prospective partner, but a new friend.  I have been fortunate to see that there might actually be other men out there with qualities I'm looking for instead of the one I can't let go of.  I have been shown people care.  I learned I have to let go of situations and people I can't control (I know this sounds oh, so rhetorical, and writing it just made me cry, but it's so much harder for me to execute, you understand), to let go of things in life that are bigger than me, to stop holding on to old ideals (regardless if I think they'll still work, because obviously they're not), to believe there is a higher power at work that has a bigger and better plan than what I have.

If you see me, know me, or talk to me in any form and have something affirming to say, I sure could use it (here or elsewhere - you know how to find me).  I need that proverbial 'pat on the back' and "You're doing a good job"... cause I hope I am.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


I'll come right out and say it; I'm having a problem trusting people.  Sort of.  Okay, so I asked out cute guy at work (this was last week; I'm just getting around to talking about it now) and he told me he was still with his girl trying to work some stuff out, but to feel free to message him (which I have btw, and he hasn't responded.  Funny, that).  I said that was cool, and I respect that.  A co-worker/friend asked him a couple days later if he was single... and he said yes.  I was outraged.  Why would he feel the need to lie to me?  Why couldn't he just tell me he wasn't interested?  I'm an adult, I think I could take it.  Meanwhile he's all nice to me at work, callin' me 'hun'.  Yeah, I know, he was just trying to spare my feelings.  Blah blah blah.  Please.  Why is it so much for me to expect honesty?!?!

Now, before we get too much ahead, I'm no queen, either.  I'm by far perfect and I have my occasions of sin.  But I do my best to say things upfront, in whatever manner possible.  Do I always?  No (this is why this post might make me sound out to be a hypocrite.  I doubt you'd be wrong).

A co-worker said to me today, while we were discussing this, "Why are you so hard on people?"  "I don't know," I said and sat in thoughtful silence.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Babu Today

It's a bit of an overcast day, raining on and off.  Caught Babu napping in the bed again, curled up for a rainy day.  I fear if I lay beside him he'll get up and leave.  Again, I apologize for the poor grainy quality.  I'm looking into cameras as we speak.  I also haven't forgotten to respond to those who commented on my last post; I just need time.


Here's the stamp on the bridge. Not the one I originally had in mind, but the other one (a metal plaque) just states it's a historic something-or-other and some kids have spray-painted it, so it's not very attractive.  Am I in Hamilton?  No; but it is nearby.  At least this shows the age of the bridge :)

Friday, April 23, 2010

Caution: Please Read With Care

Advisory: This post is not for the weak. Please proceed with caution.  Graphic.

*sits staring at the computer for a while*

Have you ever wanted to talk about what's bothering you, but say nothing at all?  This isn't even something I'm discussing with my friends, so why would I want to discuss it to a few anonymous people?  Well, Christer told me the other day in one of our emails that it's easier to talk to someone you don't know.  He's not too far off.  I can't discuss this on Facebook.  I don't even want to talk about it in detail to any of my friends.

I have been so drowned with internal struggle this week about my purpose in life (with last night being the breaking point) that I've had enough.  The pain I felt last night was like the first few layers of skin are being taken hold by a hand and ripped off in a raw strip off my body.  I see my body with a skeletal front, my heart is beating strong with all of these feelings and I want a large, aggressive, vein-stricken bare hand to grab it and rip it out.  If I was the artist I used to be, I would draw all of this instead of weirding out my general public.  Sorry.  If I was 16 again and believed in cutting like I did, I would do that.  But I don't - and be assured fellow reader I will not (so please don't worry). I just want something to divert the pain (that I ultimately must go through anyways).

You might say, "Pfft, listen J., why you stressin' out about your 'purpose'?  It'll come soon enough and when it's meant to," and you'd be right.  But when it comes to my faith it's something I take extremely seriously, and the only reason to that is personal - nothing my friends, or you my fellow reader would understand.  Okay, you might, I shouldn't short-change you.  Please know my suffering is not in vain, nor do I mind to suffer; it's never permanent.  My suffering evolves me, it strengthens my faith, it strengthens my connection to people.  I will look for the joy, just not today.  When the Lord presents one with two very different, two very strong life paths that are complete opposites - and you're lead to believe you have to pick one (both that you want, btw) - one tends to get a little confused.

Well, I hope I haven't scared you off at this point, but if you've read this far I'm glad I still have you for a reader; you don't scare easily.  I respect that.  We can't be afraid to be in touch with our feelings.  Even the scary ones.

Edit: Also know I won't be walking around with my head hanging low today.  I'm stronger than that.  I refuse to be totally consumed by this :)  I will walk with my head high.


I'm going to star in the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You Pt. II".

Also, I'm joining the convent I recently visited.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

More Pictures!

Alright, here ya go. I've almost shown my entire walk to work at this point :)  I won't show you the city streets, 'cause well, y'all have those :)  As requested......

These are a couple of shots of the footbridge I walk over to take said pictures of river.

It's old.  In fact, I should take a pic of the metal plaque they have on it.  It used to be used by cars, but since they built the major street (about 500 yards to the south), it's not used anymore.  That's why you see a wider part of the bridge, then the smaller part to walk on, to the right.

Here's the usual shot but now you can see more green/buds on trees.  This was taken on the way home, near dusk.  The water was 'shimmering', it was nice :)

This was taken on the other side of the footbridge, looking the opposite way.  Not much different.  More land to the right as you can see (favoured by ducks).  To the left, some people's houses actually back onto the river.  I think that'd be cool :)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


*rofl*    "If seal has been broken, suspect everyone."  Yes, the blueberries are real.  See other parts of the website, they have some neat things.


O that the spirit could remain tinged but untarnished by its strain!
~ Robert Lovell, 20th Century Poet

Unless we take time to think about our experiences, they stay on the surface and don't become a part of our inner wisdom.
~ Celine Andrews, Author

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


What a great start to the day (well, even if it's a late start - it's almost noon).  I got to talk to an old friend on the phone and catch up a little.  I miss S.  He's in Toronto, on the east side, and I'm....not.  I hope to head to the big city this summer, spend a couple days and meet up with people.  He'll be at the top of the list.

I went to bed with a heavy heart last night, but it's lifted a bit.  It hasn't completely gone away, but it has made dealing with the day more bearable.

With the recent birthday, I got thinking on the way to work yesterday; why do we care?  Why do we care what day we were born?  It's just a day like any other.  We're senselessly counting down the days to the end (macabre, I know), reminding us we're "another year older".  Do we need an excuse to be with friends, family?  To party?  To give presents and show someone we care?  The Jehovah Witness are the only one's I'm aware of that don't celebrate birthdays (not to turn this into a faith-thing, just observing, and my gram is JW, so I know first-hand.  Ha!  Did she flip when she heard I converted to Catholicism!).  Moving on.  So I'm trying to search for a more positive spin on birthdays.  Not that spending it with friends and family isn't positive.  Sigh.  You know what I'm trying to say (I hope).  Anyways, most of these just start out as thoughts and don't progress to anything else, topic....

The last two courses have been applied for so I await paperwork.  I hear they're a little easier than the last ones I did.  Phew.

Helped an old lady up on the curb yesterday on the way to physio.  Her husband dropped her off at the side of the street and she walked towards the curb and you could tell she was trying to judge how to approach it (the street is under construction and the final layer of pavement isn't on yet, so there were two levels she had to walk up).  Hehe.. she looked back at her husband with a look of, 'Well, now why did you drop me off here, how the hell am I supposed to climb up this curb??' and looked back at the curb.  Enter me.  I went down to ask if she needed help, she accepted and I grabbed her hand and helped her up.  She thanked me a couple times, I said 'welcome', smiled and went on my way.  Turned back, gave her a husband a nod of 'I'm okay' and also went on her way.  Is this a big deal?  No, it shouldn't be, but to me it is a bit.  I chose not to walk by, I chose not to ignore her like I could have (and many do).  I made the conscious decision to not ignore.  Was it a hard one?  Shamefully, a little.  But I hope it'll help me to do more acts like that in the future.

Seems there was so much more I wanted to talk about, but it's completely left me.  So I guess I'll clean up after making pancakes this morning, get dressed, putter around a bit.  Hope everyone's having a good week!

The River Again..

I don't have a lot to say right now; got a lot on my mind and don't know if I feel like writing much.  I will, however, share another picture of the bridge I took today.  If you look back on the last ones and compare, it's starting to get a bit green (just a smidge).

All of a sudden you open your eyes to what's around you and *poof*.. there's green. It's great :)  Buds on the trees, green grass, flowers.  Ahhh, spring.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Birthday Weekend

Happy Birthday to meeeeeee :)

It's been a good weekend so far.  I'm tired as hell, I'm not gonna lie.  But spending it with friends has been wonderful.  Thursday was lunch.  Friday night was coffee.  Yesterday was the convent and dinner with different friends - and staying up late (and paying for it today).  Today is Mass and I hope to slip in laundry at some point, I'm awfully due.  Then hopefully dinner with friends tonight - looking forward to that.

The convent was really good.  We missed Mass, but we got there in time for lunch (what better time?).  It was like an old lady social.. heh.  I miss those.  I'd go to a bunch of bazaars and craft shows and stuff with my mom or grandma when I was younger.  I'll tell you something odd, though.  They had a bunch of finger foods, right?  Sandwiches, cut up vegetables, squares (desserts), etc. and I don't know how long it's been since I've touched raw food with my hands (it's a no-no at the hospital y'see) and it felt so weird :)  I told my friend who was ahead of me that it felt so wrong :)  This is what working at a hospital has done - turn me into a germaphobe :)  Anyhoo...we watched a video, "A Day in the Life" sort of deal.  Stayed in the chapel and prayed.  A lot.  Spoke with a couple of the sisters one-on-one; they're very nice.  It was a very peaceful sort of place.  I took a liking to it.

Whatever shall I wear today.

I'm a little sad :(  I can't tell you why; I don't know.  I'm missing something.  I want a hug.  I want lots of hugs. Maybe just a little lonely today, is all.

Well, best to decide my apparel for the day.  I have a feeling it'll take a while.

Friday, April 16, 2010


Meant to post these yesterday, but no time.

These geese are the bane of my existence.  Remember that spot at the river I posted a bit ago?  With the small waterfall, big tree in the way?  This is the view if I turned around.  These stupid Canadian geese are everywhere.  These two have taken residence at the park (just over the hill).  There are two more at work who mate there every year; if they're on the path between the parking lot and the hospital and you walk by them, they'll attack you - no lie.  Territorial little f'ers.  I swat my purse at 'em one day to save from getting bit.  Oh, if I had a shotgun...

Bix - this is for you.  This was Babu a couple days ago.  It was a little cool and he slithered his way under the covers again :)

Sleep Study

Boy, was that fun.


I got the glue out of my hair after 2 washings.  I have tape marks still on my face - it appears I may have reacted to the 'thermal' tape a bit.  These will be attractive today at work :)  I didn't sleep much at all.  First time I fell asleep normal time, but then a dream woke me and took me forever to fall asleep again.  Got up to use the washroom twice.  When you have 20 wires stuck to you, including one of those pinchy-things on your finger to follow your pulse-ox and one of those tubes they stick under your nose to give you oxygen only it measured your breathing.  So I figure I got about 4 hrs or so, but they told me I only got a couple.  Other than that, they wouldn't tell me anything.  Could be "too premature" he said, until the people look at it in the morning.  Bleh.  Now I've gotta wait until June for my consult.  Well, it's only a couple months away.  April came soon enough.

Came home and slept some more.  Don't feel rested much.  Today will be a struggle.  Called the salon to see if there were any last minute appointments.  Michael just came back from vacation in Mexico so he's booked solid until Wednesday, so I got penciled in.

Now just to make it through the rest of the day.  I'm a bit of a walking zombie.  I hope it's quiet at work tonight.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Busy, Busy, Busy

Well, tonight's the sleep study.  I'm hoping to sleep well since I'm very tired and last night's sleep was shite.  I work until 19:30, will eat, then arrive at sleep lab (in same hospital, conveniently) at 20:25.  The rooms in the sleep lab here are nice - I used to clean them when I was in housekeeping.  They're sort of cozy, as far as a hospital goes.

Plans are shaping up quickly for my birthday weekend.  Friday evening might have coffee with a friend/co-worker, Saturday morning I'll likely go visit a monastery  (they're having 'open doors' and Mass.  I forget what else is happening, but mostly quiet time. I've always wanted to see inside one and this is close by, so why not!).  Saturday afternoon I might go to Mass, then out with a friend for dinner Saturday night (its actually his birthday Sat), then maybe pick up some groceries.  Sunday morning is variable; I may or may not be going to my parents restaurant for Sunday brunch.  Sunday day is free (though I may have a visitor) and Sunday evening I'm going to dinner with a couple of very good friends (my 'third family' as it were).  Dinner is yet to be confirmed, though.

The weekend is so busy I don't think I'll have time to get my hair cut! :(  But I'm going to try, because it's starting to drive me nuts.

Well, I'd best get moving.  Have my physical this morning and then I'm meeting a friend for lunch (then work, then sleep study - is my head spinning yet?).

Since when did I get a social life?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Out Of Sorts

It started with an odd dream last night.  Very familiar people doing very unfamiliar things.  That's all I'll say about that.

I woke up early (an hour earlier than normal), my stomach was upset (I'm not entirely sure what from, but I have a guess).  So instead of coffee I had a mint tea.  It's just not the same.  In fact, I can't blog any further until I've finished brewing the coffee (just enough for one cup).


*returns with coffee*  *sips*  Ahh, much better.  I have a few calls to make, but I'm not making them.  Perhaps after I finish the coffee.  I'll probably pay for it with my stomach later.

So, there's a guy at work I might like to ask out.  'Might' depends on nerves.  He seems about my age, good looking (in a very cute, boy-next-door sort of way), very, very nice (in a seemingly sweet, gentle sort of way).  He's not the type I'd usually go for.  He's better.  But I'm a bit conflicted in my head/heart.  I still think of my ex often (daily), I miss him (sometimes) and I wish any day now he'd pull his head out of his ass and act on what he wants for once, but, I can't wait.  Maybe he never will.  Maybe he really doesn't want me after all.  I don't know what life has in store for me so I'm just trying different things.  I'm trying to find what fits right.  Even if it's trying on what doesn't fit a couple times.  Don't know unless you try, right?  But why do I hesitate?  Why do I care if he'll say no?  It's just a word.  No.  I guess it all comes down to wanting to be wanted by someone.  Loved.  Cared for.  Thought of.

Monday, April 12, 2010


I'm sitting watching my daily dose of M*A*S*H, snacking on a banana, looking over the "Sleep Log" I have to keep for my upcoming sleep study Thursday night (it came fast, didn't it?).  They want to know when I set my alarm, when I woke, how long it took me to fall asleep and the best of all... how I felt in the morning (exhausted or refreshed - never) and how my sleep was, both on a scale of 0-100.  Are they kidding?  My head was trying to explode trying to think of the right number.  Did I really feel like a '65' when I woke?  How about 62?  Maybe 60?  Ugh.  So I rebelled and took out a zero and marked it out of ten.

I don't have much to say about the weekend.  It was nice and quiet.  There were some things said on Facebook that I'd rather forget about.  Enjoyed some time outside and a good dinner.  Brothers & Sisters was fantastic last night, so really enjoyed that.

Hope everyone has a good Monday.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sushi, Shopping and Shoes

Good day today, despite the lack of sleep I got.  It started off with "one of those" mornings; I woke up at 06:30 to use the washroom, but felt a little awake and debated staying up.  I thought it was too damn early to get up, but I knew if I went back to sleep I'd have trouble doing so and would feel worse for it.  Well guess what, I felt worse for it.  I wish I'd stayed up.  So I was dragging my ass most of the day.

Did some shopping.  Started day with getting a new pair of scrub pants for work and incidentally at the same place found a pair of casual pants (very affordable) and a couple t-shirts (also affordable).  Stopped at a sushi place (my first time, my friend is a regular) and was pleasantly surprised.  I didn't get too adventurous; I got  cucumber (2) and avacado (1) hand wraps (picture items stuff with rice in sushi paper shaped like a waffle cone), teriyaki chicken and I forget what sushi I had, vegetable-something.  We were very full and I wasn't hungry until 6 hrs later!!  That's amazing!  It really kept my blood sugar up.  Odd though, that we each experienced headaches after said lunch.  Would anyone venture a guess as to why?

We went to the mall after and I bought a couple items at LUSH for a treat (a couple of bath bombs and a variety box with a few things in it I tried tonight in my shower including a solid shampoo bar and nice stuff for my face and skin.  I'm nice and soft now).  Also had shoes in mind (something good to walk to work in everyday).  I instantly found these Columbia shoes (in the light grey/begonia colour) and although I did more looking around, I found nothing comparable for what I wanted (function), and price, really.

It was a good day.  Lots of walking.  Went to Mass after.  Came home.  Made stir-fry.  Watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (bought it previously viewed yesterday) to make sure there were no defects in it.  I can't wait for the next Harry Potter :)  Now my eyes are having a problem staying open, so I shall bid you adieu.  I hope you're having a good weekend!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Human Nature, Pt. III

Random thought: After reading about the recent Brazilian mudslide, it occurred to me; will we end up having so many natural disasters that we won't care about fighting (wars) anymore?  Will there ever be too many natural disasters that we'll be preoccupied with them instead of caring what /this/ country does or what /that/ country does?  While natural disasters are unfortunate, perhaps they're a blessing in disguise.  Maybe the Middle East would have to learn to govern their own people.  Maybe the Germans will help the Greeks.  Maybe some countries will learn to be more self-sufficient or there will be more reaching out by other countries to help said country in trouble. define apocalypse as: "Great or total devastation; doom". Now, I'm not going to cite Revelations, I'm not going to cite Nostradamus.  I'm just saying these things seem to be happening more and more as time goes on (or I do I just notice them more as I get older?).  I'm going to presume they are happening more often since any WWII story I've heard didn't include, ".....oh yeah, that shelling was a bitch, but we were so worried about the rising tides and flooding in the States"  :P

On totally unrelated news (this is where the conversation takes a complete 360), I've got a birthday coming up in a couple weeks and I have no idea what I want to do for it.  Or if I want to do anything at all, really.  I just feel... blah.  I'd LOVE to have a party, but I don't have the energy to plan it (which is odd, 'cause normally I'm all over these things like white on rice).  I've been very lackadaisical lately.  I think I'm just getting prematurely discouraged because I know I won't get what I want.

I think my 'alleluia' was a bit premature.  It comes and it goes.  So this is how it's gonna be, eh?  My body's pretty mad at me right now so I'm gonna let it do its thing.  I think it's mocking me; "Ha! You think you can keep hormones is me that long and get away unscathed. Muahahahaha!"

Well, it's raining today.  Has been since yesterday.  I wonder if it'll stop in time for me to walk to work.  I love the rain, but I don't like walking in it for 20 min before work (after work is fine).  Looking at the radar it *might* let up by the time I leave.  I am hopeful.

It's almost the end of the week! :)  Hee!  (The excitement is part fake - I have no plans this weekend. I'm just glad the work week is over :)).

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Holy Lord.  It finally came.  Ironically, another thing I was meant to give up for Lent - was my monthly cycle.  Exactly 40 days.  I'm starting to feel human again.  I'm not retaining enough water to fill the Nile anymore, my boobs don't feel like 2 very heavy, very sensitive, very full water balloons.  I'm starting to "deflate".  I didn't think I'd ever use that word, but I did :)

That is all.

Humour Ensues..

I grabbed this from Cat In The Bag (previously mentioned under websites)...

What?  I couldn't resist ;)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Post-(Fantastic) Weekend

*lets out a contented sigh*  Ahhhh.....  *sips on her tea*  Would you like a tea?  Here you go...

Well, most of you went back to work today.  Some of you, if you're lucky (and in Canada and/or Ontario), some of you got an extra day off as today was an optional holiday for some (and all gov't employees).  I was amongst the lucky :)  Let me back-track a little...

Saturday's Easter Vigil was good, as always.  It starts off quiet, in candlelight (everyone has one) and turns into (after many readings) a joyous, more active Mass (singing!).  It's much longer - over 2 hours (2.20, to be exact).  We welcome in the new Catechumens (newbies to the Church) by baptism if necessary and Confirmation.  I like to go because it's my Church anniversary (four years ago I was welcomed by Baptism and Confirmation).  I'm happy that I was baptized as an adult; I have a greater appreciation for it, I think, than a baby would (not to sound rhetorical).  I've learned so much and yet there is still so much more to learn.

Easter Sunday Mass was fantastic.  Alive, joyous, happy.  The congregation triples in size - to standing room only, even with extra chairs placed at the back.  It seems no one cared about the stipulations put (and held) in place from the winter about no handshaking per H1N1 and everyone shook hands again.  It was great.  We were a *church* again.  I just hope it keeps up.

Then Sunday afternoon I went to my very first Latin Mass.  That stuff's hardcore, man.  Now, there's not much I can say if you aren't very familiar with Masses or services in general, but I will tell you this - I came away feeling very...relaxed, calm, de-stressed.  I understood what was going on, but I didn't understand a single thing he was saying.  And mostly all the women wore head coverings - mantillas especially (I love those. I'd like one myself).  I wore mine.  I'd just started veiling again Saturday, and even if I wasn't, I would have at the Latin Mass.  I would probably go again, to try and get the feel of it more.

Sunday evening dinner was spent with close friends.  Had a wonderful time as they had company I've a) never met before or b) don't see very often (family of theirs).  Good food, good conversation and good people.  What more could you ask?  (As a side note - and good drink!  I might have to get back into Glenfiddich!)

Today was spent cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.  And studying.  I'm done with my finals!!  Now I can take a brief breather while I wait for the next two courses to start up.  It's hard to get out of study mode, or that feeling that there is "always something to do".  Now that things have calmed down at work a little (and progressing), I'm breaking from studying, I can try to pull myself out of my own little world and check in on my friends more and get more in tune with them and their needs.

Hope you have a great week!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter!


I will write about the tonights Mass later.  It's late (23:13) and I'm tired. I just want to chillax and take in the day.

I hope you have a very special Easter.  That you spend it with family or close friends.  That you have lots of chocolate.  And more chocolate :)  And lots of good food.

How will you be spending your Easter?


Friday, April 2, 2010

Good Friday Service

... Can you tell it's going to be one of those weekends I post every 5 minutes?

Good Friday service was sombre as always.  I always cry - even if its a tear or two.  Well, it's celebrating a funeral, right?  After the four people walk up slowly with the large wooden cross (it's a very slow march.. drum *boom*.....step....*boom*......step.....*boom*.....step) we were allowed (as every year) to venerate the cross, so we all walk up, pew after pew.  My heart was beating stronger.  I walked up to it, genuflected (kneel on right knee), kissed the cross and walked back to my seat.  But it felt all in such slow motion, it was weird.  Almost surreal, like for a few seconds, I was the only one.  I suppose I could count that as a blessing (feeling alone with the Lord).  When I sat down I was in slight tears.  Sad.  

I am thankful for a faith that moves me.


Woke up in a lot of pain today. The extra work I'm taking on (at work, as part of getting back to my normal duties) is taking its toll.  I will take a couple of ibuprofen and should bear through any remaining pain today. Maybe a robaxacet. Oooh.. those are good.

Well, I caught the last few min of service last night after work.  Can I say, that I think our choir is just fantastic.  There is nothing like a well-tuned church choir.  There was Adoration after and I stayed a while.  I'm having a very...dry.. Lent.  I'm finding it hard to pray, finding it hard to participate, finding it hard to get involved.  I can be there, but that's about it.  So today I'll just be present and go through the motions.

It's 22 C (72 F) and sunny out.  I've got all the windows open.  I'm dragging my ass today from over-sleeping, but maybe I can get some cleaning done.  Lord knows the dishes have been sitting too long.

Some of us get a 4-day weekend and I'm one of them, so I'll be around.  I've got church stuff, finishing my final and other minor stuff.  I might even post more!

Enjoy the day, whatever you do! :)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Still Alive

I'm going to have to somehow make a quick post today.  I don't have a lot of time before I go to physio, but it's been a few days, so wanted to poke my head up.

I feel human again :)  The plague 'o death has left, leaving me now just slightly tired & phlemy, but definitely manageable.  I got an extension on my finals due to said plague, so I'll be working on my last one this weekend.  As of tomorrow I'll have 4 days off, so Lord knows I'll have plenty of time.

It's Holy Thursday.  After work tonight I'll run to the church.  I'll probably miss the service, but there will be Adoration until 10pm.  They'll take the consecrated host out of the tabernacle tonight, store it properly until Saturday as tomorrow (starting this evening) represents Jesus' death.  There will be solemn services.  I love the service on Good Friday; I find it very moving.  There's been a big wooden cross standing up at the front of the church and on Friday some guys (yeah, it's that big) take it down, carry it to the back of the church and in ceremony (all in silence except for drums), carry it back to the front and lay it down on the steps so the congregation can go up and venerate the cross.  Then Easter Sunday Mass is always more lively and fun.  Turns out I've accepted to go to a Latin Mass as well.  My first.  So I'm looking forward to that.

Not much else to write about, I don't think.  I'm home all weekend, no plans.  So if you're local, I'd love to get together.  Otherwise, I hope everyone has a great start to the long weekend!  Get thee outside!! :)

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